Wednesday, 7 October 2009

You Know your Sicilian When…..

Just thought I would add this on here as it cracks me up!! I am half Sicilian, so I can relate to all of it......................................................


You, your sister, your mother and grandmother has either Marie or Maria in her name.

Someone in your immediate family is named Joe or Frankie.

Your kitchen always smells like garlic.

When you think “New York New York” is the national anthem whether you live in New York or not.

There is always a Mary statue in the front and backyard of your grandmother's house with fresh flowers under it.

Sicilian sign language is learned from your father at a young age when someone cuts him off the road and you have to take the wheel because his arms are too busy making the letter "L" and his hand immediately swipes his chin followed by words you are required to know but never allowed to speak.

You get slapped upside the head when your father realizes you have learned Sicilian sign language.

You baptize your child and send him to catechism even though you only go to church on Christmas, baptisms, weddings, and funerals.

You have either a mother, aunt or grandmother who always wears black.

If your spouse dies then all clothes are thrown out and burned because your new wardrobe consists of 2 black dresses.
Someone in the community always has an ice-cream van.

You have a tomato garden in your backyard even if you live in an apartment building.

When you put ice on your cheeks to numb them because you are going to your aunts or grandmother's house.

When you trick or treat at your grandfathers you get a bag full of spare change instead of candy
You earned more money for your first communion then you do for the first 5 years of your adulthood on your job.
Every Saturday you have cold cut grinders and antipasto from the Italian deli.
You know what wine taste like when your 3

You aren't Sicilian if you haven't stained your feet purple by the time you are seven in your Nonnos/ Dads/ uncles wine vat.

If you are the oldest and a girl you are brought up in the family ways and get all the benefits of manhood until your brother comes along then you are to go to the kitchen.

Every female is called by their first and middle name.

You know your in trouble when you hear your full name being called.

Your given another name you are supposed to always know but it was given at your baptism and then never told to you.

When it is a Sunday and you can't enter the living room during football season because all children and women belong in the kitchen.

Missing church is a mortal sin and you're going to hell except during football season even though the game starts at 1:00pm and church starts at 9:00am and you are not a child or a woman.

A wooden spoon equals discipline, or you jump at the snap of the sound of a belt.

When your parents are planning your wedding the day you were born if you're a girl and you are expected to be married a virgin.

If you're a boy you're expected to get married not until your in your early 30's or if you do you have at least 3 godemoda on the side and it is excepted because he got married to young.

When you are 18 and you can't go out past 7 without a chaperon but your bother can have a an entourage of women in and out of his room as soon as he hits high school followed by "that's my boy".

When you are 14 and want to wear makeup and your mother says yes you can wear blush… and grabs your checks so hard they are going to rip off and says there look in the mirror you look so grown up.
When the boy you are in love with asks permission at 16 of your father to date you.

When your father tells him he'll break his legs if he touches you.

He finally gets over his fear and starts to date you at 23 but then suddenly stops calling you because he went from broken legs to death when your father found out.

Even when he has 6 inches on your dad and is 30 years younger but is still suddenly afraid and your not worth death.

When you family even remotely thinks you have lost your virginity then immediately a phone call is made and there is a knock on the door the next day by your boyfriend proposing to you but can't get on his knees because of some accident
"I Did it My Way" is the only advice you get when it comes to life and you have to learn it from the record player because it is another unwritten commandment and you know better.

When your brother loses his virginity and the family throws a party.

When you are 22 and you get to talk to a boy at a party you find your cousin or brother regardless if they are older or younger standing over your shoulder demanding his life history and his intensions.

When you do get to date he has to be approved by every male member of the family including your brother that is 4 years younger than you.

When you turn forty and you are finally old enough to decide who to date without permission of your father or any other male in the family.

When you drive by the corner and your cousin's friends see you coming a half a mile away and are already yelling for you to go home because girls are not aloud even though there are 10 girls there.

When you meet someone at a party and he is hitting on you like no tomorrow until he learns your last name then you get a hand shake and he disappears.

The only way to get a boy to date you is outside your city and lie about who your family is.

When concerning family business the phrase "stata zitta" is included in one of the Ten Commandments.

When it is the first thing you understand before yes or no.

You think your father is ill because Frank Sinatra isn't playing.

When you are a child you think that the smell of a cigar is men's cologne
When you are a child you think that perfume is the smell of tomato sauce or garlic.

Your Nonna tells you look sick because you are nothing but "skin and bones" regardless of your weight and the remedy is 5 bowls of pasta fagioli.

You are expected to you eat 5 servings of dinner at a relative house each sitting otherwise they think you don't like the cooking
A Sunday meal is eaten during football season at 10:30 and consists of 10 courses and must be eaten before 12:30.

You have ever used your head to point something out.

When the evil eye is a normal look by every female family member

When you never need to learn it because it is just is a gift with the coming of age and you suddenly learn how to kill someone without committing sin.

When something goes terribly wrong in your life and you seek your father's advice and he turns on the record player, walks away and "That's Life" starts to play.

You learn how to cast a curse before you learn how to pray.

An Italian horn around your neck is proper attire and is a requirement more important than even your pants

You've had your hair or ear pulled by your mother as a way of removing you when you're bad.

You know the sound of your father's whistle out of every other father in the neighborhood. When the street lights go on you expect that whistle and make it out when there are 10 others whistling at the same time.

If you are not home with in 1 minute after your father whistles a belt on the ass is waiting for you.

When you are 7 and have to sit at the window and watch the other children still playing after dusk when you are supposed to be sleeping.

When going on an errand for milk and bread with your Nonno really means a meeting in a very dark restaurant that is closed to the public and you have to sit by the window and eat all the candy he just bought you as a bribe to "stata zitta" and can only look out the window and not at who is in the room.

People tell you to stop screaming when you are really just talking

Your mother yells at the top of her lungs to call you when you are right next to her.
The main event at a funeral is stuffing your face till you can't move and you go to an Irish funeral and can't understand where the food is and that it consists of liquid.....

Children are seen and not heard unless it is football season then they are only not heard but not seen or a belt waits for you at half time in the ass or if you are lucky your mother catches you by the ear and pulls you out in time.
When pasta is in some form of the meal and consists of 15 out of 21 meals of the week not including midnight snack.

If you have at least 25 cousins at least 3 of them are named Joe.

You can't leave a party without taking home 4 plates of food or you are insulting the hostess.



A new memorial day is created when a Godfather from one of the five families dies and is proceeded with black attire, masses said all day and night, and a million candles lit but when a Pope dies the sign of the cross is made and life goes on.

When you automatically make the sign of the cross when passing a Catholic Church or cemetery without even thinking.

When your family doesn't talk for 30 years because of a fight over who make better Canolli.

They are still holding the grudge even though they can't remember why they fought to begin with and refuse to attend their sibling's funeral

You know what it means when visitors are over and the door closes to the pallor.

When you know the song "Volare" isn't a theme song for a commercial for a car.

A midnight snack consists of Italian bread provolone cheese and pepperoni even when you are 5.

Your Nonna won't let you walk barefoot and makes you put on socks or slippers because you will get sick and die.

If you are caught without a jacket when you are little even in 70 degree weather, despite you are running around and you are immediately told to come in the house because you are going to catch death from a cold and die.

Eating together is an unwritten religious holiday.

When you are there if you don't light a candle to the Mary statue then your Nonna continuously tells you are going to hell.

When you are there if you don't participate in the procession of the Mary statue then some old timer is putting a curse on you and telling you repeatedly that you are excommunicated and shaming your Nonna who is next to them telling you the same thing grabbing her heart like she's dying.

The only way to rectify it is to see the priest, go to confession, saying 10 Hail Mary's and 3 Our Fathers and light 5 candles with a promise that you will help carry the statue in the next procession.

Then your grandmother realizes she is not dying and you are an angel sent from heaven ….....

until next year………

10 comments:

  1. Iellouisia,
    when your afraid to comment because a black limo is parked outside with Jersey plates, aw what the hell, very funny read.
    BIG HUGS

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks Bob, by the way, loved Bess on Monday, is she coming back to guest write again? x

    ReplyDelete
  3. Iellalouisa,
    Hi Bob always tries to talk for me. yes sweetie will be back monday and am hoping to get this ole man to let me change it up too. lol
    HUGS

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi -- I just wanted to let you know that I chose your blog to receive an award. I was going to email you, but didn't see your address.

    Please follow this link for more information and instructions:

    http://wwwbobbypinsboardwalk.blogspot.com/2009/10/thank-you-so-much-for-my-first-blog.html

    Congratulations on having such a great blog! I always enjoy reading your posts!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh -- how ditsy of me. Now I see "subscribe by email". oh well -- as long as you get this..

    ReplyDelete
  6. this is too funny! thanks for the laugh!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Funny post - liked it

    Kate xx

    http://secretofficeconfessions.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  8. Why is Chuck Croll abusing Blogger Help Forum forum – allowing molestation, libel, and child pornography?
     
     
    The pedophile stalker is roaming Blogger Help Forum for more than a week now, and moderator „nitecruzr“ alias Chuck Croll is still into his Bruno L. schtick, against better knowledge, see here:
     
    http://rabhines.blogspot.com
     
    Croll knows the avatars of the stalker and impersonator. He has read L’s alert blog and knows that L. is molested by this anonymous pervert since three years. He knows that the pedophile stalker has an avatar here under „NikolaiDersauger“, i.e. NikolaitheCocksucker in German. Further, he knows that the pervert is posting messages under „DerSaugerNikolai“ at YouTube, see this screenshot:
     
    http://img191.imageshack.us/img191/4192/nthecocksucker.jpg/
     
    or directly at Youtube:
     
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BB9mMABRM0c/
     
    (though Youtube will delete the messages today, as every day for three years)
     
    And still Croll doesn’t see fit to take action? It’s the easiest thing in the world to compare IPs, but Croll and his colleagues simply do nothing – more, they do delete all legitimate questions by other, long-time members of this forum.

    All members of this forum have to endure this chaos because the moderators agree with impersonation, libel, and child pornography?

    The avatars of the stalker:
    ChrismopRichbroom
    BrewLeicht
    BoohooBrew
    MarcMyers
    KarstenGulden
    Rastapunky
    NikolaiDersauger
    CarlosCumpleanos
    DaveBerson
    Pilshaw
    FDumez
    MajorKoslov
    TimNiland

    ReplyDelete
  9. My middle name is Maria...but when I went to my local Social Security Office to get some paperwork, apparently my middle name was Agnelli! My mother is Black and Native American...Imma ask a few of my family members what's going on.

    ReplyDelete